Dad is not gay Read online

  »Randy?« Tom looked at his colleague incredulously who nodded enthusiastically. »Yes. I’ve got pins and needles in my stomach, a shiver runs down my spine and I got a hard-on.«

  Tom did not dare to look at Frederik. Yesterday, the same feeling suddenly crept over him when Luca undressed in the locker room. Luca had winked at him and put him off.

  »Well, do we go?«

  Frederik nodded and hurried on ahead.

  ***

  »Who said he gets randy looking at Luca?« Zoe laughed and took the shopping bag out of the trunk.

  »Secret service,« Tom replied and got the shopping cart. »What do you feel watching Luca Steffen on «

  Zoe rolled her eyes. »You’re not asking seriously, are you?«

  »Yes, I do!« Tom pushed the caddy through the supermarket and avoided hitting an old lady.

  »Tom, you’re my husband!«

  »Thanks for reminding me,« Tom said irritated.

  »I can hardly tell you what stirs inside me watching other men on TV.« Zoe passed Tom and headed for the vegetables.

  »Of course, you can,« Tom insisted. He took a cucumber, proofed it and put it into the cart. »So, what are you feeling, when Luca Steffen is languishing on women?«

  »Well, actually, that’s my secret, but you wouldn’t stop pestering me, would you?« Zoe sighed. »I also get a little randy and, then, I fantasize I’m the woman in his arms. Is he in fact so great?«

  Good Lord, what should he answer?

  Yes, Luca was so overwhelming that he was aroused in his vicinity? Or no, Luca Steffen is in fact only half good-looking?

  Tom hesitated what Zoe misunderstood. »Ha! I knew it! Luca Steffen looks handsome and women rave for him quite rightly.«

  »Hi, Tom!«

  Tom and Zoe whirled around.

  There he was: no less person than Luca Steffen!

  Zoe gazed at him as if she had met the incarnated Jesus.

  Tom blushed and just wished the ground would open up and swallow him. Immediately, he began to sweat. His pulse went faster. »Hello Luca! You’re shopping here?«

  Good Lord, what a stupid question!

  Of course, he was not working in the supermarket!

  »Yes, I needed some things for our fencing training. It’ll already start in one hour.«

  Tom looked at his watch. He had completely forgotten the time – and his wife!

  Zoe nudged him. »Don’t you want to introduce me, Tom?«

  »Yes, of course. Luca, this is Zoe – my wife.« Suddenly, he was ashamed of being married. »Zoe, you already know Luca Steffen.«

  »Yes, but not personally.«

  Zoe and Luca shook hands.

  Zoe was all excited while Tom was asking himself whether he was jealous of Luca because his wife couldn’t take her eyes off him of whether he was jealous of Zoe because Luca seemed to make eyes on her.

  »So, now you know each other...personally. There’s no reason why we shoudn’t continue shopping. You’ve heard it, Zoe, I have to be in the club in one hour.«

  »May I have an autograph, Mr Steffen?«

  Tom rolled his eyes.

  His wife was embarrassing!

  »I’ll go and buy tomatos.« In a great rush, he put some tomatos into his cart, said goodbye to Luca and pushed his wife who reacted as stubborn as a mule. »God, you’re embarrassing, Zoe! May I have an autograph?« he parroted her.

  Zoe was outraged. »This is not embarrassing at all, my dear! Women do this every day. I bet, Luca can’t escape from autograph hunters!«

  »Might be. But next time you’ll do this when I’m not around.«

  ***

  »Hi, long time no see!« Luca jumped through the practice room and thrashed his arms around to warm up.

  »Hi!« Tom was still ashamed by his autograph-hunting wife and would have preferred canceling their training lesson.

  »We can start right now, if you like.«

  Luca nodded. »I’d love to! By the way, your wife is quite nice.«

  Tom knitted his brow. »You sound surprised.«

  Luca laughed and took his sword. »No, I haven’t expected anything else.«

  Unsecure, Tom stopped.

  Thousands of thoughts tumbled through his head while their blades touched each other. They bowed and started their warming-up with a few simple attacks.

  »How am I supposed to understand your comment?« Tom asked after a while.

  Luca remained for a fraction of a second and looked seriously into his eyes.

  Tom seized the opportunity and maneuvered him out. »The score is one to zero. You have to concentrate, Luca! Don’t drop your covering.«

  »You’re an amazing guy,« Luca said bluntly and positioned again.

  This time, he surprised Tom and maneuvered him out, the blade at his chest. Face to face, the two fighters stood in front of each other, only a few centimeters apart.

  »You have to concentrate, Tom!« Luca laughed winking at him.

  Tom felt a fast train driving through his insides, giving him peculiar sexual reverberations. Luca smelled of tangy-woody sweetness and befuddled his senses.

  Good Lord, Tom, pull yourself together!

  »We shouldn’t talk on the side and better concentrate on our fight,« he said awkwardly.

  Luca nodded and let him go.

  They got back into line in the middle of the room and started again.

  »Angarde!« Tom called and raised his sword.

  While changing from the one-armed strike to a double attack, he explained the technique to his pupil.

  After three hours of hard training, they were exhausted and went to the locker room which was completely deserted.

  Luca threw his tracksuit away and looked at Tom uninhibitedly.

  Tom had a hard time to hide his arousal. Thus, he fled to the showers. While soaping his body he tried to think of his Grandmother’s funeral to redirect his obscure physical reactions, but his eyes wandered back to Luca completely fascinated as the water ran over his muscles incessantly.

  Blood rushed into his dick so that Tom quickly turned on the ice-cold water to prevent an erection.

  Was homosexuality probably infectious after all?

  He should have kept distance to Frederik!

  He had never experienced such sentimentality before. How was this possible?

  He wasn’t gay!

  He didn’t fancy men!

  Not even through puberty.

  And now he was married, happily, in fact, with a woman.

  Nevertheless, his eyes glided back to Luca’s center again and again. The wish to take his dick into his hand or rather put it into his mouth only once surged up and drove him almost mad. He wished he could approach him, touch him and caress him. Involuntarily, he thought of Zoe. He loved his wife. He really loved her and the kids. His family was sacred. Nothing – and no-one – has ever cropped up between them. Maybe he suffered from a brain tumor?

  »Do you have a sauna with me?« Luca asked while soaping his body.

  Tom urged himself to look into Luca’s face, but his eyes seemed to be remote-controlled and gawped uninhibitedly down his athletic body.

  Luca, busy with shower gel and hair shampoo, didn’t notice his curious eyes.

  »Yes,« answered Tom even though he had planned to decline. But his body was so drained that the sauna’s heat would do him good.

  Smiling, Luca finished showering and held open the sauna’s door to him. Tom passed, desperately trying to ignore the awkward feeling in his stomach, and sat down. He hoped that Luca would sit down somewhere above.

  Luca went to the oven and took the pail with the sauna infusion. His butt was really firm, Tom thought watching him. It was no wonder that women fancied him! In fact, he was a feast for the eyes which one couldn’t avoid. He had an aura which put someone under his spell. Again, blood rushed into Tom’s dick. Good Lord, let it get dark!

  In order not to be exposed, Tom panically wrapped his towel around his hips. The sauna was – w
ith its ninety degrees – so hot that it was almost impossible to have an erection. And there was no woman near them!

  Jesus, Luca was a man!

  The whole thing was completely absurd.

  The sauna infusion hissed as it touched the hot stones. Satisfied, Luca turned and put his towel on the upper bench to sit down. His well-built dick laid perfectly natural next to his full to bursting testicles, Tom noticed with a quick sidelong glance.

  Well, blow me!

  What, for heaven’s sake, was wrong with him?

  Well-built dick?

  Full to bursting testicles?

  He definitely belonged to a nut-house!

  Luca cleared his throat. »What do you do for a living? We have already trained three times and I haven’t got a chance to ask.«

  »I am,« Tom hesitated for a short moment, »a policeman.« Actually, he would have answered ›officer‹, but the little devil inside him seemed to live his own life. He wanted to impress Luca.

  »Wow, I’m mighty impressed! Last year, I had a shooting as a policeman. That was fun, but very strenuous.« Luca smiled his famous toothpaste-advertising-smile and made Tom laugh. »You are impressed by me because I’m a policeman?«

  »By you because you are you and by the fact that you are a policeman,« Luca answered with a soft voice, »I’m only a despicable actor.«

  »Despicable?« For a moment, Tom forgot everything around him and stared at Luca that flirty as if flirting with a man was the most natural in the world. It was as if their eyes stuck to each other.

  Luca Steffen, the famous actor and ladykiller liked him – Tom Weidemeyer? If one was absolutely staggering, it was Luca, Tom thought.

  Luca raised his left brow. He sneered and looked bashfully at the ground. »Most often, men like you aren’t to be had.«

  Tom tried to regain his composure. »I don’t understand.« Almost a little shocked he moved away from Luca. His heart leapt – and this wasn’t because of the heat.

  »Just the way, I said it! Men like you aren’t available anymore.«

  Luca Steffen wasn’t queer, was he?

  No, impossible.

  Luca was one of the most popular actors, a real man who screwed a lot of women – at least, if one believed what the press reported.

  Tom couldn’t think straight anymore.

  And suddenly everything happened at once.

  Tom began to sweat – and that was definitely not because of the hot air – and gasped for breath as Luca slipped to the lower bank and took his head into his hands to kiss his lips.

  Tom’s heart almost missed the beat as he felt Luca’s soft and warm lips, his tongue carefully touching his. »Men like you aren’t to be had«, Luca repeated hoarsely. »What a pity that you’re married.«

  Tom’s pulse raced as if he had sprinted short haul. His knees turned to jelly and he almost went mad. The touch of Luca’s lips was so good that Tom got afraid of himself. Reflexively, he took hold of his mouth which felt as if he had burned it.

  »I’m sorry«, Luca said softly and disappeared.

  Tom stayed, trying to bring his mind – and body – back to normal as the door was pushed open.

  »Tom, old fellow! You’re having a sauna today?« Daniel smirked and sat down.

  Tom nodded and got up mechanically. »Yes. I needed a break. See you!« He fled from the heat – and a conversation about women, beer and sex.

  Lost in thoughts, Tom walked to the shower and gasped as the ice-cold water ran over him. He had just committed a mortal sin! He had kissed a man – in fact, it was vice versa, but that was rather unimportant since he had wanted it as well as Luca – and that was absolutely sacrilegious for a married, heterosexual man.

  Good Lord, he has not only betrayed his wife, he has betrayed her with a man! Probably, everything would rot off now. All the stories about the Middles Ages must have their origin.

  He was bad.

  Abnormal.

  He should go to church to confess.

  But he wasn’t even sure that five rosaries would be enough.

  When he reached his spint, Luca was already gone. And even though he was relieved that he didn’t have to talk to him, his heart felt, oddly enough, very heavy. He didn’t want to submit it, but he longed for Luca’s touch. At the same time, his feelings made him sick and he thought about what circumstance polarized him wrongly.

  God damn it, he fancied women!

  When he left the club shortly afterwards, he smiled openly at Martina, the young blonde from the reception. Perplexed, Martina shook her head and watched him leave.

  2

  Tom parked the family car and kept his seat for minutes. He could not get Luca’s kiss out of his mind. As far as he thought back, he steered clear of everything having to do with homosexuality. One could rather say he belonged to those men who reacted homophobic. Homosexuality was almost like a disease one had to protect oneself from.

  Sighing, he whipped out his front door key and left the car. He had not even reached the door when it flew open. Zoe came running and embraced him. »Darling, you wouldn’t believe what happened today!«

  Ditto, Tom thought with much less enthusiasm. He groaned inwardly, feeling lousy.

  »Hi, love!« Tom kissed her familiar lips and felt ashamed that he had kissed another person only shortly before – he faded out the fact that it was a man he had kissed. He hugged his wife as if he has been away for years.

  Zoe patted his back. »What’s wrong with you? Did you have trouble in the club?«

  Tom shook his head mechanically.

  »Well, then come and bring in luck!«

  »You’re quite lively today. Did you give up your studies?« he asked hopefully. After thirteen years running the household and looking after the kids it would not be easy for her to find a job again. In his opinion, there was no need for her to go to work. He was happy coming home, having a warm dish and washed socks. Of course, they could afford much more since she was doing a mini-job, but she had given it up now to concentrate on her studies.

  »Yes and no.« She winked at him meaningfully and tugged him to the living room where she threw him on the couch and pulled off his shoes. She rode up his trouser leg and paused directly in front of his best piece.

  Tom stopped breathing as Luca’s picture appeared to his inner eye, his finely cut mouth, his dimples, his laughter lines and his hairless, athletic chest. Tom felt as if he could still feel the sweetness of his skin on his lips.

  Zoe opened her mouth as though she wanted to do a blowjob, but that was absolutely absurd, Tom scolded himself. Zoe hated oral sex!

  She zipped up the trousers and tried to put it off. Tom threw back his head visualizing Luca taking his dick into his mouth.

  Suddenly, he got tensed up.

  Good Lord, he longed for sex with Luca!

  A hot tingling spread out to his neck. Simultaneously, he was deeply ashamed of his filthy thoughts.

  He was a real lunatic!

  Sex with a man was an absolute taboo!

  »I can’t do a blowjob now, darling. The kids are still awake,« Zoe said in a low voice and let his dream vanish into thin air.

  Why did she descent on him and rubbed at his trousers? That wasn’t fair!

  Now, he was laying there like a hot potato and had to make sure his blood came back into higher regions.

  Tom tried to compose with imaginary gardening and his shopping list. Tired, he blinked at her. »I haven’t counted on this, to be honest, sweetie!« He was never counting on her doing a blowjob. He certainly knew that oral sex wasn’t abominable, but one had to make Zoe drunk to get her to do it. In the last thirteen years, they have had oral sex approximately for twenty times. She didn’t like the odor of his dick – let alone his spunk. In her eyes, semen were only a necessary addition for sexual reproduction and undrinkable, since they tasted of bitter salt, they were inedible and enough to make one puke.

  No, Tom groaned inwardly, oral sex did only exist on the Internet or in his fantasy.<
br />
  Moaning, Zoe struggled to her feet. She patted his lap as if it was an animal which was well-behaved enough not to leave his barn.

  Tom sat up grunting.

  He supposed Luca was the one getting one blowjob after the other, not only from men, but also from women. Probably, Zoe would have done this, too, just to be close to her heartthrob.

  Was Luca really gay?

  Or was he, Tom, also a one-off for Luca as well as Luca for Tom?

  Was their kiss unique, a kind of experiment under men?

  Luca has got a daughter, after all.

  Confused, Tom buried his face in his hands. He was in a mess and would have preferred to go jogging to get rid of these thoughts. He blushed looking over to Zoe. Fortunately, she could not read his mind.

  Unsuspectingly, she sat next to him, her cheeks reddened; her brown hair flew over her shoulders like hot spaghettis one had cooked for too long.

  He had to give himself relief without thinking of Luca. He was not queer and he did not plan to become it. Without paying attention to her stories, he took her hand and dragged her to the pantry. He closed the door faintly and locked it.

  »What do you have in mind?«

  »What does it look like?«

  »Sex?«

  »No!« Tom played the surprised. Then he embraced her and pushed up her skirt.

  Zoe nodded silently and let him lift her up. Half-heartedly, he penetrated while Penny and Maja clattered next door with the pots and pans.

  ***

  »Good morning, Tom!« Luca smiled sparsely, taking off his shirt. Since he had to shoot half-naked, he wanted to practice as authentically as possible.

  Tom’s heart leapt.

  He couldn’t forget the kiss and he hardly dared looking at him. »Good morning! Are you ready?«

  Luca nodded.

  They practiced in silence and had their first short break after two hours.

  They sat down and did not say a word to each other.

  The silence was unbearable, but Tom did not know what to say at all. He was afraid to get weak again coming too close to him.

  Luca’s force of attraction was increased by a multiple and Tom was afraid to talk nonsense. Thus, he preferred to remain silent.

  After ten minutes, he looked over to Luca. »Shall we continue?«