Dad is not gay Read online

  Again, Tom felt this feverish heat rushing inside and he was desperately thinking about what he should say now.

  »Do you like to tell us something about you? Are you married? Do you have kids?«

  Tom groaned inwardly. Probably, it had been a very bad idea to come, but now he had already put himself in that awkward situation. »I’ve been married for fourteen years now and I have four kids…«

  »Four kids?« some of the men laughed astonished. Others were just nodding reverentially.

  »Yes,« Tom confirmed, smiling a little bit, »Four kids. I love my wife and I love my kids.«

  »That’s your right,« one of the men said kindly.

  »Yes,« Tom faltered.

  »And you’ve come to us to get answers to your questions, haven’t you?« Michael helped him out.

  Tom nodded. »Yes.«

  He exhaled as if he had to stop breathing for minutes. »I…,« he cast down his eyes, »I…«

  »You don’t need to tell us anything if you don’t like, Tom,« Michael interrupted him in a friendly voice.

  »We report here voluntarily.«

  Tom looked up. »I kissed a man.«

  Well, now it was out!

  The other men stared at him incredulously.

  His neighbor patted his shoulder. »Thank you, Tom, for entrusting us. Obviously, this was your first time?«

  Some men smiled.

  Probably, they thought it was ridiculous that Tom was worried about a simple kiss.

  »Yes. To be honest, I’ve never fancied men,« he said awkwardly.

  »I’d love to say the same about me,« his vis-à-vis laughed out loud.

  Michael gave him a severe look. »Paul!«

  Paul apologized by a show of his hands.

  Michael turned back to Tom. »So, now you kissed a man and you’re reconsidering what happened to you?«

  Relieved, Tom nodded. »Yes. I’m not queer. I could resist any naked man without any problem…except this one,« he added softly.

  »That’s a difficult case,« a slightly plump man interposed.

  »Why?« Max asked confused. »My female cousin is also married to a wonderful man. But one day, she was at a party and met this long-haired blonde woman and had sex with her. Afterwards, she confessed to me behind closed doors that it was just once she was drawn to a woman. She has never fancied women before. Bamm, they were drawn to each other like magnets.«

  Michael cleared his throat. »That’s right, Max. Since we are all individuals, it’s only natural that no-one is like the other. A lot of us find out in childhood or puberty at the latest, that he’s not interested in girls and that the boy from the parallel class let his heart leap. Why shouldn’t it be possible that there is suddenly someone coming along taking our hearts by storm – and this one is of the same sex?«

  »I envy you, Tom! You’ve saved a lot of suffering. For many years, I’ve suppressed my desires even though I’ve been married to a woman and became father of two wonderful kids. I’ve always been longing for men.« The red-haired smiled at Tom.

  »Well,« Paul interfered, »We are living in a society which is meanwhile accepting homosexuality but is still keeping tight to normative education patterns. Society is placing great hopes in us to resign oneself to his or her typical gender role. How it looks like in our minds that’s a completely different matter.«

  Some men were clapping softly.

  »Paul is right,« an elderly, thin guy said, »Many of us can’t withstand the pressure their environment is putting on them. They submit to the norm and live a life they don’t want to live.«

  »Probably, Tom isn’t queer,« Michael said thoughtfully. »It’s a well-known fact that every person has got a certain degree of homosexual disposition. But that doesn’t mean at all that Tom has to be queer only because he kissed a man.«

  Tom blushed again and kept silent.

  »You’re longing for more, aren’t you?« Paul asked hardly hearable.

  Tom looked up. »Yes.«

  »You wanna do this, but you’re afraid that you’ll lose your family, aren’t you?« Paul asked additionally.

  Silence.

  »Yes.« Tom was not even sure whether he felt relieved or even more desperate than before. »I think I haven’t got that far as yet.«

  »What for?« Max asked confused.

  »To talk about things coming over me,« Tom answered. He stood up and pushed his chair backwards awkwardly. »I’m sorry!«

  »That’s no problem, Tom,« Michael said smiling. »You’re always welcome in our halls. Take care!«

  »Thanks.« Tom lifted his hand and fled.

  ***

  »Well, now I’m going to show you the two-handed roof parade since you’re already able to control the basic techniques for about two weeks.« Tom tried to smile though he did not feel like it. He felt unusually aggressive, almost angry and he hoped to reduce his aggressions while fighting.

  After showing Luca how to strike and parry, the fight became more serious.

  Luca felt Tom’s anger and had troubles to parry. He was gripping his hilt with the right hand while his left hand held tight to the point of the sword. He stepped aside and protected himself with the blade as someone knocked at the door.

  Irritated, Luca stopped.

  Tom’s sword missed Luca by an inch. »For goodness’ sake, Luca, don’t let anyone distract you while fighting otherwise this might be your last second.« Tom breathed in and out very quickly and, finally, turned to the door.

  »Tom, I got to go earlier today. I’m going to lock the front door and leave you alone! You’ve got your own key, haven’t you?« Mark waved and left without waiting for an answer.

  »Well,« Tom turned back to Luca, »now it’s peaceful in here. Show me then what you’re capable of!«

  They positioned in the middle of the room and bowed slightly.

  Tom did the first strike which Luca parried dexterously.

  Tom did not know whether he was fighting against Luca or his own feelings. He raised his weapon grimly and sped towards Luca.

  Luca jumped aside fleet-footed and took the opportunity to parry. He attacked Tom’s arms and legs with quick little strikes so that his opponent could only beat him back with great difficulties.

  Enraged, Tom started to attack again until he had pushed Luca out of the way. Having him in the corner, he held his blade with both hands at his throat. »You’ve let go of your defense again! Keep concentrated!«

  Luca’s face was only a few centimeters apart, but Luca resisted his gaze and, suddenly, threw his sword away and held up his hands. »You’re the winner!«

  »Fight like a man!« Tom replied growling whereupon Luca laughed out loud. »I did, but I guess two weeks of practice won’t do the experienced fencer any harm.«

  Tom lowered his sword without enlarging the distance. Luca’s look said more than thousand words and even though Tom was not keen on repeating the kiss he could not look away. He was just captivated by Luca’s look which pierced into his soul incessantly.

  »Are we really all alone?« Luca asked softly.

  Tom swallowed.

  His throat was parched, he sweated like hell and he urgently needed water. »I’m thirsty.« He turned, but Luca clung to his wrist and forced him to stop. »Wait!«

  Tom remained reluctantly, but did not dare to look into his face. He closed his eyes and, the next moment, he was pulled into two strong arms.

  »Look at me, Tom!«

  Tom hesitated.

  Luca opened his mouth, but instead of saying something he leaned forward and approached Tom’s lips.

  Tom was paralyzed. He feverishly awaited the sweet touch of Luca’s lips, although he knew deep inside that it was not right. His heart leapt and he was not fighting back anymore. He was longing for this man with every fiber of his body. He felt his arousal increasing and, suddenly, became angry about his tremendous desire for something forbidden.

  He grabbed Luca by the shoulder and pressed him against the wall.
Almost aggressive, he pushed his tongue into Luca’s mouth and thrashed it around.

  But as far as his fury had flared up, it ebbed away now.

  Tom collapsed and turned.

  He took his towel and raced out of the room heading for the locker room. He put off his soaking wet shirt and flung it against the bench. »Damn it!«

  The door was opened and determined steps were approaching. »Tom…«

  »Not now. I need a shower. I need a cooling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not fancying men.« Tom got his bag and tugged at the zipper. »Damn thing…come open!« He flung his bag on the ground and kicked it.

  Luca stayed calm and put both swords into the gun cabinet instead.

  Tom tried again to open his bag and, finally, fished his shower gel out of the side pocket. He almost tore his tracksuit bottoms while undressing and threw it down on the ground. Then, he headed for the shower.

  The cold wet did his skin good biting itself in his sick soul. He closed his eyes and tried to get rid of Luca’s picture.

  He wanted him.

  He wanted him desperately.

  He wanted to touch him, feel him, take his dick and play with it as if it was his own. He wanted to coax a moaning out of his slightly opened mouth.

  Tom closed his eyes again and tried to pull himself together.

  Luca entered the shower room and soaped his body in silence.

  Tom had a quick look at him and noted the lather slowly running over his perfect body.

  Despair and anger crept up in him.

  Why was he not able to control this damn craving? Usually, he was such a disciplined person!

  Tom’s shower switched off automatically.

  He stood still in silence and gazed at Luca incessantly.

  Luca felt his gaze and looked back with such a straight face as if he wanted to say I’m-not-forcing-you-but-I’m-really-longing-for-your-embrace.

  Tom breathed in and marched off to him.

  They hugged and held each other tight.

  Tom’s heart leapt as he slightly came off and kissed Luca, trying not to think about his doubts and fears. Heavily breathing, they slammed against the wall, still clasped in a firm embrace and kissing fervently. Luca crashed against the fittings and activated the shower.

  Ice-cold water beat down on them taking their breath.

  Shocked, Tom jumped. »Jesus Christ, that’s cold!«

  Luca laughed and Tom joined.

  It was somehow liberating laughing out loud, just as if they were normal people with normal needs.

  As if by command, they stopped laughing and embraced again.

  Tom felt Luca’s hard passion at his belly and could not help touching the stiffie. He slid down, his guilty conscience pushing far away.

  »God, it’s perfect!« Tom meant what he said. Luca’s dick was indeed perfectly built.

  He wrapped his fingers around it with pure pleasure and caressed it. Its glans gleamed so rosy soft and inviting that he suppressed his thoughts to do something completely immoral.

  Carefully, he tipped it with his tongue and was surprised that its skin was softer than a baby’s butt. He licked the bone with great relish and, finally, put it into his mouth. His arousal grew immensely as Luca moaned with pleasure and clutched at his shock of hair.

  Tom ran his tongue over the shaft and, finally, wrapped his full nads. In pure unknown desire, he licked the whole crotch and grabbed Luca’s hips to encourage him to fuck into his mouth. He felt as if he would give himself a blowjob.

  »God, Tom, I’m coming soon. Wait!«

  But Tom did not want to wait.

  He wanted to know whether spunk tasted bitter or salty so that many women could not stand it.

  Luca moaned again with pleasure and gushed into Tom’s mouth while his dick was continually twitching.

  Tom tasted the cum and thought it did not taste disgusting, rather like salty chestnuts.

  He grinned and kissed Luca’s flaccid noodle.

  They embraced again and held each other tight while Luca’s hand fumbled for Tom’s cock. With soft, circular gestures he caressed it and got a hard-on again. Luca was about to kneel down, but Tom stopped him. »Wait!«

  »Is it too early for you?« Luca squinted at him, uncertain what to do, but Tom shook his head and smiled. »No, I’m already sticking in a sin ponds. But I’ve fantasized the first time… different…can’t we go into the sauna?«

  Luca laughed and bared his white teeth. »Of course, come!«

  He led the way and pushed the heavy sauna door open. Aroused, they entered the heated cabin and took seat next to each other on a bench.

  Tom felt like a complete idiot.

  A few minutes ago, he had acted out of an impulse, but now, everything seemed to be planned.

  Luca caressed Tom’s legs.

  Immediately, Tom hardened.

  Luca stood up and went to the oven to pour some mountain pine sauna infusion over the hot stones. The pleasant forest aroma spread over the room and befuddled their senses.

  Luca came back and took Tom’s face into his hands. »You’ve already fascinated me with your wonderful deep blue eyes when we first met. On top of it your full maroon hair…« Two little dimples emerged on his cheeks while he went through Tom’s hair. »Your sight makes the men swoon!«

  Tom smirked. »Up to now, I’ve always thought that my sight would make the ladies swoon.«

  »Probably,« Luca replied vaguely, »but to be honest, I’m not interested in the female species at all. I’ve tried out once, but even though it was quite nice I’ve been missing that certain something.«

  »That certain something?« Tom raised his brows playing clueless.

  Luca nodded and leaned forward to kiss Tom.

  Then, he pushed him on the bench and caressed his naked chest. He let his tongue circle around the areolas, then, he bit in it gently while his hand was running down slowly.

  Tom moaned with pleasure as Luca reached his wang and drew back his foreskin, his tongue tenderly following.

  Tom closed his eyes for a moment as Luca’s lips enclosed his dick. He enjoyed the damp warmth of his tongue which ran softly over his glans. Luca’s head rose and fell, Tom’s prepuce between tongue and palate. Tom indulged in this unbelievable emotional maelstrom looking Luca directly into the eyes. It was a wonderful picture: Luca Steffen, the man who made his heart swell, was giving him a blowjob!

  »My wife hates sperm,« he suddenly said.

  Tom closed his eyes.

  God, he has really gone off his nut to blether about his wife at such a moment?

  He was afraid Luca would stop, but Luca would not be put off and brought Tom to his climax nonstop.

  »Just let yourself go! I’m not your wife,« Luca said with a full mouth.

  Tom closed his eyes again.

  God!

  Exactly that was the point!

  He was having sex!

  Sex with a man!

  And he enjoyed every damn second!

  Luca felt Tom’s insecurity. He grabbed him under his butt with the right hand and caressed his belly with the left. He did not speed up, but started to suck at his wang.

  Tom gave a loud voluptuous moan and grabbed him by the hair. »God, please don’t stop! I’m coming straightaway!«

  Luca did not stop and, thus, Tom gushed into his mouth.

  Then, Tom lay on the hard sauna bench with closed eyes fighting with his feelings. The world looked different after the climax, much less rosy and, suddenly, he felt ashamed about his forbidden animal instincts.

  Luca rode up and lay down on the bench, too. He propped up on one arm caressing Tom’s face. »You’re wonderful!«

  Tom took his hand and looked seriously into his eyes. »I…«

  »Psst….« Luca put his finger on Tom’s lips and smiled. »You don’t need to say anything now. It was your first time, wasn’t it?« His words were only a whisper, but they caused an emotional maelstrom. Tom was on the verge of tears.

>   He felt ashamed about his abnormal desire to be close to Luca not caring about the fact that he had just betrayed Zoe.

  He did not only feel like an adulterer, he was a cocksucker now and that was a thousand times worse.

  He could not help crying.

  Luca kissed his tears away and hugged Tom who clipped on him like sloth at its tree. »Never let me go again!«

  Luca shook his head. »I won’t, if it needn’t be. But I guess we can’t stay in this hot sauna for ages.«

  Tom sniffed. »I think I’m not up to the world outside anymore today.«

  Luca laughed softly. »I understand very well. But it might already be dark outside and no-one can look into your head. Nobody saw us and nobody is going to get to know about it. I promise!«

  »Zoe is going to note that something is wrong.«

  »Yes,« Luca sighed. Unfortunately, he could not relieve him of that. »I’ll be there if you need me.«

  Tom nodded in silence and tried to smile.

  3

  Biep. Biep. Biep.

  Tom sat up in bed.

  Who, for heaven’s sake, made this noise at the crack of dawn?

  Biep. Biep. Biep.

  »Tom,« Zoe complained, »switch-off your alarm clock! It’s weekend.«

  Tom banged on the little buzzer and fell back.

  Not even five minutes later, it rang again.

  Biep. Biep. Biep.

  »Tom!« Angry, Zoe got up, shaking her husband. Tom sat up half-asleep and crawled out of bed.

  It took some time unless he knew what day they had today.

  Saturday.

  Mediaeval spektakulum.

  And Luca wanted to join, too.

  With one hit, he was wide-awake.

  He took a shower and put on his costume afterwards.

  »Will you and the kids follow later?«

  Zoe pulled her pillow over her head and grunted. Tom put her off and ran into the kitchen. He ate at lightning speed and was ready to go when Anton and Benno came downstairs.

  »Good morning, Dad! You don’t want to go without us, do you?«

  »Well, actually I’ve planned to. Mom has promised to follow later.« Tom put on his shoes and took a glance at his watch.